Sleep Consultant In Miami

Sleep Without Sleep Training

“I’m so tired…but I don’t want my baby to cry themselves to sleep alone. How do I get sleep without sleep training?”

The culture is telling us that our babies are broken.

That they need to be fixed. That we aren’t good parents if we’re not “teaching” them to sleep. That we either have to suffer through sleep deprivation in silence and deal with it OR leave our babies to cry themselves to sleep.

The culture is WRONG.

Babies and toddlers waking in the night is NORMAL. However, sometimes parents want to make a change around their child’s sleep. They want to do this without hurting their bond with their child or using a strategy that leaves them feeling awful and crying alongside their child. They want an option that isn’t wait-it-out or cry-it-out. That option is the Baby-led Sleep™ approach.

Holistic sleep support that is based on attachment theory and sleep science.

FAQ

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Certified Baby-led Sleep & Well-being Specialist
All of the research on crying, stress, attachment, and babies/young children(and even adults) point to the importance of co-regulation with a calm primary attachment figure or caregiver as key in minimizing the stress response in infants and young children.
Crying, in and of itself, is not unhealthy. However, non-responsiveness while a baby or young child is crying (a sign of a heightened state of distress) can be. This is because infants and young children cannot “self-soothe” or “self-settle” from a heightened state of distress(crying) on their own.
It is essential to my work with parents that they understand that tears are ok as long as they are met with the appropriate responsiveness that they require. Controlled crying or responsive settling are just sleep-training terms that refer to a set rule or guideline about how long a parent should allow their child to cry before they respond to them or how long a parent can soothe their child before walking away.
I can guarantee that I will never suggest timed checks or “pick up put down” methods that ultimately lead to stressed parents and even worse a stressed baby.
I will suggest gentle and gradual strategies that support parent-led changes with the understanding that the caregiver is always in control of tuning into their own child, moving at their child’s pace, and soothing them in whatever way and for however long feels right to them and their child.
Absolutely!
I was that parent once myself. I completely understand. I am more than happy to work with any parent, without judgment, regardless of what they may have tried before.
I do however make it clear from the start that our work together will be much slower as we have to essentially work backwards in order to move forward. Yes, this means undoing what was already done as part of this process.
Heck No!
I encourage you to keep what you love and only change what you don’t.
More rest can be achieved even while nursing to sleep and bed-sharing—contrary to what sleep-training culture will have you believe.
I believe you can do whatever works for you and your child.
If you want to try to place your baby down drowsy but awake (which I have to say it… what the hell does that even mean?!) and your baby calmly drifts off to sleep from the start and it works for you—awesome! I’m all for it!
However, typically I don’t find this to be the case for most babies and even young children. This is NORMAL. Most babies and young children will still need parental support (soothing) of some form to fall asleep.
When your child is ready, is securely attached, feels safety at bedtime, and can hold on to you when apart, they will fall asleep independently.
But, I cannot guarantee that your child will be developmentally ready to do this and I cannot predict when they will be.
No.
Sleep is an automatic biological function, much like breathing, that cannot be taught or forced—without pharmacological intervention that is.
Connecting several sleep cycles in a row without support is an ability that depends on age, temperament, stage of development, sleep environment, context, etc.
I help parents get to the root of their child’s inability to fall asleep easily, stay asleep for longer stretches, or not sleep at all.
We then work on attachment based strategies if parents would like to make a change around their child’s sleep (such as transitioning from bed-sharing to crib, changing the way they support their child to sleep, etc).
After addressing root issues and while making changes, a child may feel comfortable enough to connect sleep cycles and sleep longer stretches or some may sleep through the night.
However, the goal is never “sleeping through the night” and instead it’s helping the child feel sleep is a safe place to go and stay.
This is not really a skill you can teach, it’s an ability that is dependent on the child’s temperament, age, and ability to hold on(to their caregiver) when apart.
- We can work on creating the right context of connection and safety.
- We can work on creating the right sleep environment.
- We can work on what happens during the day that impacts sleep.
- We can resolve root issues that impact sleep.
This can all lead to a baby or toddler that can fall asleep on their own without parental support and it may not.
It’s important to note that most babies and toddlers continue to need some form of parental support to fall asleep.
This is normal.